| Oblivious |
[Feb. 1st, 2012|09:04 pm] |
| [ | FEELING |
| |  annoyed | ] |
I am so very fucking annoyed now.
I am not that oblivious.
I do quite well taking in my surroundings and I might know almost all of what's going on.
But I do tend to act oblivious if I might think something is going the way I wouldn't want.
Maybe my oblivious = being in denial, pretending it's not happening or talking myself out of it.
So you brush off all the weird stuff, telling yourself 'nah that's stupid'.
And it's going pretty well.
'Cause you are pretty confident and hopeful it would just fade.
After all you are not feeding into the situation you are hoping never to happen.
And somebody, just has to tell you.
Has to.
Tell you the obvious.
Okay it wasn't suppose to be obvious in the first place.
But now things are awkward, 'cause you piece together the pictures and it's so..
NO THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!
Okay I still cannot get over the fact of why are there of different races of Humans in this world.
Everything is just not understandable.
Science proves a whole lot about our world and the universe yes?
But... It really also can't prove a whole lot of basic questions that I'm sure a lot of people are etching to find out.
After some time, religious explanations seem pretty awesome.
But they're so vague they just kind of give you something so un-explainable, far-fetched and 'Awesome' that you'd not need to question it.
I know it's pretty useless thinking about all these.
Maybe we will only find out after we die?
Maybe we will never find out at all.
That seriously bugs me. |
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| Slave |
[Oct. 30th, 2011|01:03 am] |
My first thought at my excruciating tummy ache.
I'm screwed..
This pain.. It's from the medicine..
Though this pain seems familiar.
I don't think it's the same and the normal remedies will work.
Ugh.. It hurt so bad I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even walk.
Desperately I grabbed a glass of water.
Least I haven added on the panic attack.
As I sat there drinking my water hoping this will be the cure, I remembered how I use to have countless tummy aches. All I claimed were different, different as in I could define pain and that it felt different.
I gave a slight chuckle, which only aggravated my tummy more.
Back to the topic. Downing down my water hopelessly, maybe it'll work, maybe it won't. To my surprise it did. Just like it always does.
I couldn't help but look back at how different I would usually handle this.
I felt so proud I could cry.
I almost lost myself to the pain and wanted to give up.
Pain is all the same. It never was different. I only made it different cause I was afraid of being alone. I needed someone to help me through it.
The fear of causing trouble and embarrassment helps me force myself to help conquer my pain.
How lovely, a bad feeling to overcome another bad feeling.
I am the master of my pain. I will choose when it shall overcome me. Not the other way round.
Till i achieve that. I am a slave to my pain. |
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| strayer |
[Sep. 27th, 2011|10:53 pm] |
| [ | FEELING |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | Im hearing ... |
| | the tapping of your soul | ] |
-
ahh.. i feel satisfied after yesterdays post.
should i have given a warning?
that i don't look back at what i type to make sure it makes sense at all?
cause looking back at it, i realised it looks like complete rubbish to me.
thanks alot dondon!
for the very inspiring comment.
i think you helped refined my thoughts alot more.
and i think i've been waiting for you.
someone to actually give a relevant comment.
be it to shoot me down or to agree with.
i'm glad!!
the one thing i think i lack the most is focus.
i can't focus on a topic within my own thoughts.
i can't focus on anything.
life is back to normal.
i lost all my thoughts and questions on the afterlife.
besides i never meant to dwell on it for long.
no matter if we will have 10 lives or just 1.
i will try as i can, to live mine to what i hope it can be.
good bye Livejournal, till another dilemma. |
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| Afterlife |
[Sep. 27th, 2011|12:22 am] |
| [ | FEELING |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | Im hearing ... |
| | the sound of my voice. | ] |
i can't stop thinking about the afterlife.
if you're brought up as a muslim.
you're taught that once you have left, you will sleep till it is judgement day.
to be awaken by the angels questioning your discipline and loyalty to god.
then we move as per planned and then to heaven or hell we will go.
so on and so forth it goes for all kinds of religion and theories.
ugh! my mind won't stop.
i have too much questions i'd like to answer.
what if there really is no such thing as the afterlife?
but if there is no such thing, then why are we, humans here in this world to feel and live?
so then there could be a high possibility of reincarnation?
maybe 'I' have lived more than i know of...
do animals die and get reincarnated?
wouldn't it be boring if we were to all die and wait for heaven or hell?
if an animal/insect were to die and not get reincarnated..
i swear an insect will have the most saddest lifespan of the earth.
and speaking of which they cannot think.
what exactly is heaven to them..
i seriously cannot begin to understand exactly why is there such thing as an earth.
it annoys me that there are so many un-answered questions.
it annoys me alittle how almost everyone can just accept it.
while i can't help but question it.
why did i come out asian?
why is there even a thing as races?
why do religions sound like it's just a game built up by some higher power?
why can't i stop thinking that this shouldn't be that simple?
why would 'god' plan everything out and let babies die at birth?
didn't 'god' say that it's a test?
that we are suppose to show him discipline and worthiness and such?
then why did 'he' give life and before that life could have been lived 'he' takes 'it' away and promised 'it' heaven?
then why can't i die at birth too and make it to 'heaven' too?
why must i fight this life?
what makes that child special to get the easiest path to 'heaven'?
is this jealousy?
i can honestly say yes i am jealous.
i wonder if my life is not as fulfilling as i want it to be for me to be having my thoughts stray this way.
i do actually find it entertaining yet very annoying at the same time.
i guess in the end, only when i die would i have realization of what might happen.
and most probably forget about it the next second.
what an utter bummer. |
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| green |
[Dec. 28th, 2010|11:40 pm] |
can i be selfish?
can i be a little more greedy?
sometimes i wonder why your doing what your doing.
it's wrong but i don't want it to stop.
i don't want you to disappear.
but now my human nature is acting up.
why can't i just appreciate what i have now.
i want more.
i'm not satisfied. |
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| your touch is sweet, but your brain is weak. |
[Dec. 28th, 2010|01:07 pm] |
what if....
i told you that in the end all i was, was physically attracted to you.
once that barrier was broken down.
looking deep into you.
i think you're dumb, boring, unimaginative, oh why are you letting me feel this annoyance!
somehow or another we come from different worlds.
for the first time in my life i have realised, truly realised the difference in social status.
bullshit to thinking that 'fuck it doesnt matter, we are all human'.
it matters! it always has!
brought up thinking, getting and having differently.
i dont understand you, you dont understand me.
its my first time experiencing this and thus i am so extremely annoyed.
i really cannot comprehend why you do not comprehend me.
it's better if we stop talking.
but i dont have the guts to say that.
more likely you wont understand and just thinking im being mean. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 27th, 2010|11:55 pm] |
i have the urge to be rude to people right now.
i feel like i want to be hated. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2010|12:08 am] |
Define Company :
definition number 4: companionship; fellowship; association: I always enjoy her company.
Define Love :
definition number 1: A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
look, im not interested.
define company.
i'll take that.
you don't get it do you?
don't go mixing things up.
there's a limit to ones patience.
i know your nice, it's flattering.
but what you don't understand is.
you are ALL nice.
please don't be selfish.
i get that you want to know more about me.
but i feel like im being interviewed every single time i am sick of my own life.
i miss it so badly.
but not badly enough to say yes to you moronic know-it-alls.
you know nothing.
maybe i know nothing as well.
but all i need to know right now is that you guys are killing me.
and i really miss that but you will never be able to fulfill that. |
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| duked |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|01:24 am] |
-
its so surreal.
so arrogant huh?
to actually think it wouldnt have happened to me.
am i really such an emotional burden?
sometimes i wish i didnt meet u.
wish i hadnt fallen so deep.
im hurt and i feel lost and scared.
what i thought was real has slipped through my fingers.
u think what u've dont is a process to better.
but it shows so much more.
as much as i love you.
as much as i believed i couldnt live without you.
i was wrong and naive.
to believe that we could have made it far.
i seriously believed.
now your gone and im alone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2009|12:31 am] |
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i wish i could sleep it off.
but im too afraid to sleep.
its been so long since i felt this lonliness.
back to the wretched feeling of being an unwanted child and friend.
im sorry but if i could stay at one point of my life forever.
it would be when i was at sri lanka.
when i was a kid.
and we never had to think.
we never had to feel so much.
we just never had to know.
just pure unconditional love.
i wish i still had that now.
but ur old and matured.
u dont keep that feeling with u cause u find out that there was no such thing as unconditional love.
its all just a gimmick.
a gimmick for humankind to falter.
for all of mankind to be destroyed under the false pretense of such a wonderous feeling.
a wonderous feeling covering the deadly venom.
waiting for the right time to strike.
and then we all just lose control of whats real.
am i real to you? |
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